My sister sent this in the mail to me, made me laugh, hope it does you too. 
A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50 birthday. She
spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On
her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind
my asking, but how old do you think I am?’ ‘About 32,’ is
the reply.’ ..’Nope! I’m exactly 50′, the woman says
happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and
asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl
replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’…..The woman replies with a
big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops in
a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to
the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning
question. The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’ ….Again she
proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
waiting next to her the same question. He replies,
‘Lady, I’m 78 years old and my eyesight is going.
Although, when I was young, there was a sure-fire way to tell
how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires
you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only
then, can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’ They wait in
silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best
of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hand under her blouse and begins to feel
around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each
breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her
breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay….How old
am I?’ He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes
his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’ Stunned and amazed,
the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
The old man says, ‘Promise you won’t get mad?’
‘I promise I won’t’ she says. …….
‘I was standing behind you at McDonald’s.’
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